my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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