Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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