dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
