Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
