Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
