Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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