I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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