my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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