im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
