nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
