i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My penis needs a shock collar
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
