the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
