just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
