i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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