She's JV to your varsity
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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