1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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