I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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