dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
