Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
