even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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