Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
