So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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