and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
