ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
