yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
