At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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