Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think my tv is drunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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