My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my liver is dry heaving
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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