New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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