U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
