It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ruined the universe
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
