Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
