and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
