No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
