I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
