What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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