Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
