I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
