I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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