fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
