Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
