I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
