he shaved USA in his pubs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
