I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was confusing and full of hummus
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
