I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
