so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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