I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
