if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you didnt know i had herpes?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
