my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize