Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
