well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The air was thick with penises
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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