apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize