Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
