i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
