I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize