it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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