I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
