god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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