Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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