There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am available for nakedness
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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