Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
