Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
