K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
