he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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