No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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