i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
