She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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