i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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