If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
