Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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