He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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