please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
