Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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