I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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