there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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