I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
