make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
