I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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