At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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